Scared to do it again, but I want to

I'm glad I didn't know,
the way it all would end,
the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd of had missed the dance.

I wonder what it would be like if you always knew the outcome of the future. Knowing that something you want to do, might not turn out the way you had hoped. Would you be scared to carry on, and miss out on all the good that may come out of it, in order to avoid one bad thing?

Two years ago Christmas Eve, my 35 year old friend Kelly, passed away from breast cancer.
Watching Kelly die from what later turned into a brain tumor, (in a mere 40 days) was never anything I wanted to do. I was scared but I did it anyway, because although I didn't want to see her die, I wanted to be there for her.
Kelly was scared at first, but eventually, the tumor took over, and had I been to scared to be there, I would have missed out on many long nights of talking, story telling, make believe and dancing in our disco diapers.

A few months after Kelly's passing, Mike and I signed up for the 3 day walk. 60 miles in 3 days. Everything about the 3 day scared me, from getting up at 4 am to train, to raising the money. (And of course the distance.) However, walking the 3 day was a kind of closer for me, and I wanted to do it.

We had so much fun, that we want to do it again!
Sept. 2011!
YUP!! That scares me! It scares me because I know the pain and how it will most likely end, but I still want to do it.

This year as I walk the 3 day, I'll be walking for Kelly,
and I'll be thinking of Josh.
Josh is a friend of mine from highschool.
Josh has been diagnosed with
stage 4 metastatic malignant melanoma.
Although he is receiving a study drug, and even has a plan B, these drugs will only prolong his life.
Upon reading josh's newest blog post, I learned that at his last doctor's apointment, he was able to ask some pretty tough questions about the end and how it will go. Turns out melanoma hits the brain rapidly. Just like Kelly. That scares me alot. I'm scared for my friend. Even so, I want to be there for him. besides, I wouldn't want to miss the dance!

A new cancer means a new cause. I wonder how many miles I gotta walk for melanoma? Any more then 60 scares me, but I would do it.
Again and again.